Being a mom in these parenting streets is HARD! You want to have the perfect home, spacious car(s), a wonderful husband, amazing kids, dream vacations and the bomb job or business. That’s all awesome and it sounds like heaven on earth, but that’s not life. We try to sell the fake life version to our coworkers and to our extended families out of town, but we have a few core people that know the truth. They know your house may be upside down or that you struggle to go to work daily because you really dream of opening your own business. Our tribe knows our struggles and they help us talk through our thoughts. If you don’t have a mommy tribe that can relate to you it’s time to get you one.
Mommy Tribes are LIFE
A tribe according to dictionary.com is: a class or set of persons, especially one with strong common traits or interests. Now don’t get me wrong we all have friends and associates, but a tribe is different. Dictionary.com also states a tribe is: people united by ties of descent from a common ancestor, community of customs and traditions, adherence to the same leaders, etc. it’s a community! You may have a group chat where you guys dish out the day as it is going on, or maybe you have a monthly prayer meeting, or my favorite a monthly brunch date with MIMOSAS! Either way you and those other mommies gather together and come clean. You vent, laugh, and cry together. You hold every person accountable rather it’s to remind them that they said they were going Vegan on the 1st, or that they would be attending church on Sunday, or even if they were going to jump start their business you guys stay on each other. Being able to relate while being transparent and getting motivated afterwards is a wonderful combination! That’s what your Mommy Tribe should consist of.
We as women are secretive and suspicious. It takes alot to get us to trust and let our guards down. It stems from our grandmother telling us “what happens in this house stays in this house!” Which is a good practice because everybody doesn’t need to know all your business, but you can’t hold everything in. Letting somethings out is healthy! My way of coping has always been through prayer first. Praying and openly talking to God helps relieve stress and sometimes gives you the chance to let out that big ugly cry that we all need. Sometimes I vent to my husband and get his thoughts on things, but he’s not a mom he’s a dad so his struggle is different. Then I go to my tribe. They get it and sometimes they share their similar stories or just remind me its going to be okay. Other times I listen to my girls and voice my opinions, send my prayers (I really pray for my tribe), and push some encouragement their way. It’s a circle. You give and you get. It’s complete.
How to get a tribe?
Making friends as adults is hard. Sometimes you lose childhood friends as you get older and it makes you a little bitter. It makes you scared of being vulnerable again. Or you stick with the same group and do the same things. There’s no growth or real support just gossip and laughter. No deep conversations or meeting of the minds. The lack of sisterhood is evident because they can drink and party with you, but can they pray for you? The time for you to find your tribe is here.
You may already be a part of a tribe or a partial one and you guys want to add more to the pot. The members of your tribe may already be in your life you just have to connect them. Starting a connect isn’t hard. Have a ladies night and bring some of your like minded friends together. Do something different not the club or bar, but maybe a Martin Trivia game night or a wine tasting. Something outside of the norm. Have some good questions ready for a deep round table discussion. Watch as the connections form. The “let’s do this again soon” comment is a tell tale sign.
Another option is your kids school or daycare. Get involved in the parent activities (please don’t over do it) but you would be surprised on how many other moms are looking for people they can relate to. Exchange numbers or email addresses. Do coffee after dropping the kids off or Yoga on Saturday mornings. You don’t have to look far.
This may sounds crazy, but online! There are so many online tribes out there. Moms from all over the world connecting with other moms. They do Skype sessions, phone calls, text messages and some even eventually travel out to meet each other. As a blogger I have SEVERAL Blogger Boos that stay in different states and we connect online daily. We see each other at conferences and other events and it’s like seeing your favorite cousin from down south! Don’t be afraid of online connections they are real too. Don’t think you are weird because you have an online tribe. It’s a blessing to have a connection with a group of people rather it’s in person or through the internet. Some members of my online tribe is Chic Urban Mom, Harper & Ro, The Cubicle Chick, and Mommy Week. My local online tribe: Houseful Of Nicholes, Just a Dash Of Diva, and The Fat Girl Of Fashion. I have a few more that are so supportive and we share our struggles as well as our wins.
Lastly get out and go to events! You don’t always have to tag your friends along especially if they don’t like exploring. I know personally I’m not a fan of the “club” scene however I love a good cocktail so I would rather a cocktail making class than hitting the bar. Grab a Groupon or support that old high school friend that throws candle making classes or paint and sips. Connect with those that are there you would be shocked to know others are there to connect and network just like you. People host events to get the conversation started you just have to show up. If you are in the Chicagoland area I would to see you at a upcoming event I’ll be a part of. I’m speaking on their panel about balancing life while being a mom, wife, and entrepreneur. This will be a mingling and networking event and you can meet others with the same interest as you. Come with an open heart and mind!
I’ve been blessed with several different circles and tribes of friends and sisters. I know it comes from me being open minded and friendly. My mom always told me “to get friends you must present yourself as friendly.” I’ve passed this advice down to my children. That mindset of “no new friends” is played out and not beneficial. That new friend may be part of your breakthrough. Get out and explore…your Tribe is waiting on you.