I’m sure this post may step on a few toes. Including my own. But sometimes we all need wake up calls.
I’ve always been considered “thick”, even as a child I was called “solid” by the older folks in my family and neighborhood. Please don’t get me wrong I was called that affectionately. I didn’t mind it at all. Once I started getting older in my early teens my baby fat begin to shift and I had boobs, hips, and more butt. To the opposite sex this was nice, but to me it was confusing. I mean I didn’t know why I needed more curves I was already hating to go clothes shopping because every store doesn’t stock fashionable items for the curvy. But life went on and my weight stayed the same in high school until I hit college. By then I had dropped a few pounds and knew how to camouflage what wasn’t appealing l. I knew what extra curves were for and when it was time to show them.
And then I had my son…insert music *here*!! I can’t blame child birth on my current weight, that wouldn’t be fair because Dereon is almost 7 years old. However I will say having a kid changes your body FOREVER! I unfortunately had a C – section and that really affected my post baby weight loss. I didn’t gain that much weight during my pregnancy, but the few extra pounds I did gain found a home in unflattering spots like my inner thighs, arms and of course my stomach. Now a mother, and then a few years later a wife, my weight concern wasn’t the top on my list (until it was time to wear my wedding dress.) I focused on working on our apartment, the kiddo’s learning, my dreams, and my husband’s career.
Fast forward 5 years later. I’ve got the mom thing down, the hubby is moving up in his field and I started my blog! Things are rolling, but I’m not completely happy with me! My weight and size bothered me. I finally said something to a friend and she replied “girl you are thick, you are fine. Stop stressing yourself.” There goes that word again “thick”! Umm no…I was fat. I couldn’t see myself wearing a 2 piece at the beach, I never wanted to step on a scale, and finding clothes online was a huge no because I always have to try my clothes on. I couldn’t run up a block without getting winded, I hated the thought of having to walk a long distance from my car, plus looking at myself and loving what I saw on the outside wasn’t always easy. If that was being “thick” I didn’t want it. So I battled with the Monday starts my new diet and I only eat salads and fruits plan. That didn’t even last that whole Monday. Lol. Then it was the “New year, new me” Jan.1st I start my diet plan and of course that didn’t work, the last one was after my birthday I’m going to really focus and start losing weight. Well I celebrated my birthday all of February and some of March and I didn’t get focused. Until.
Until I looked at myself in mirror while applying some lipstick the second weekend in March (yes, a few weeks ago.) And I saw me, and my face just looked distorted. Stretched out…I went out that night and everyone said how cute I looked and loved my makeup, but I had made up in my mind I had to make a change for me.
March 17th I stepped on the scale at the doctor office and I vowed to never see those numbers again. I joined the local gym by my house and started a realistic weight journey. No fad diets, no pills or drops. The old fashion way….WORK! Now please don’t get me wrong I cheat and since I’ve started I have skipped some gym days and ate the wrong things, but since I’m on this for me everyday I wake up determined to go forward and not back. I’m determined to not let society’s thought of skinny rule me and I plan to embrace my curves, but this time in at a healthy stand point. Honestly I don’t want to be a size 4. That’s not me, but I want to be healthy and happy with the skin I’m in. I want to be around to see my kids have kids. I don’t want high blood pressure or diabetes. I want to live. To live means I’m going to have to fight so I’m on a mission to whip my body into shape.
It was hard to write this post, but I believe someone needed to read this. Some needs to know that being happy starts on the inside and what others think of you only validate you temporary. Self acceptance lasts a lifetime. We can do this!